Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
