Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
