I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
