you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So much rum. So many feels.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
