The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Boobs are out for the taking
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
