TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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