All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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