How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
