Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
