lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
