A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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