it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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