You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
