i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
