I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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