and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
