you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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