Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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