:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
