You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
