I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
