its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
