so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
