After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
