its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
