Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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