I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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