She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
