Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
