Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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