Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
