You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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