Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
