Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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