when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
