i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
