he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
