what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
