Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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