Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
