guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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