Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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