You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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