I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
