When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My feet surprised me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
