Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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