why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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