My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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