yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
