i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
honey bunches of taint.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
