Yo dont text me then not text me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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