My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
